Let's continue my story on this column. Part 1
here.
Life is never easy when you get to know something deeper. However it is not easy to get along with the one that you got to know especially those you have known for years! My Catholic faith begun after my form5 and the start of my college life. Friend’s influence is also part of the game.
At first, it was all about courting girl, a girl who I used to know during a chinese new year outings with bunch of gigs. Cherished heart with teens mind lured me into this love matter. However, both parties must have had this feel in order to get together. Instead, my situation was a bit different than the others. Courting girls, perhaps is not a difficult for aggressive minds out there, but for me it was a shy matter.
Alternatively, I had done a number of attempts but fail thoroughly. It's not about normal friends or relationship. It's about how close we can be. That type of "couple-not-couple" relationship lasts in my heart for almost 5 years until I gave up on 2005. It's tiring to wait for something that doesn't gave you any answer at all, a dilemma. I considered this as "struck at first sight and lost interest in seconds".
Till then I lost interest in courting girls. Doesn't mean I am gay. Most of the time I stick with boys in the college and sometimes giggling with gals of course. There use to be a bunch of my college mates, friendly and positive. But apparently, time flies and things changed. On the time I studied in college, friends around seem dubious of this place called Inti College. Everyone looked alien to one another! And this is where a group of friendship had started including my Catholic faith.
For years I had been studying in college and gotta know different types of people, nations and characteristic. Somehow I found my international friends are much cling to one another compared to the locals. In this case, doesn't means he local are unfriendly, just the sense of lacking souls. If you mouseover my name on the right hand side, you might notice the words in bold.
I started to attend mass every week since 2001 with a XXX friend, okay lets name in Mr.S. I don't know how we bumped on each other since he left SMK sg. Maong during form 3. Perhaps is the CS thingy that brought us to church. I still remembered the 3 of us went CS [Counter strike] when we're free. And that is during college. There was this myth, don't ever take picture with a friend of three as these will split the three of you one day. Unfortunately, the myth is true and it happened to my life. Now, the three of us rarely talk and contacted. One for a reason that he had a new bunch of trios to hang out with (the clubbing gear) and the other one... I am tired of his attitude. Not to mention more....
The continuous CS gaming are also caused by a bunch of freaks called SFW [Sick Freaking Weirdo]. This group really drive me nuts. And that is why I still played CS on that time after their departure for studies on different destination. I really miss the fun and couldn't forget that moment. It's sincerely friendship where each of us sat down and mentioned back at the game strategies of Warcraft as well.
Eventually, Mr.S set off for Singapore and left me back at Kuching after his diploma studies. Earning $ is important thou... At that time I stood on the sofa and look at the wall, figuring what to do. So I settled my weekends on mass. At first it was boring but I adapted to it after a while.
Looking for a companion is not easy and the one you use to talked with doesn't exist in your life after all because they seemed to be outfrount and why the hell do they care since they found the importance of their own?
During my semester 4 session in college, I was quite shock to fail my subject (Operating System and E-Commerce). Just failed 2 subjects! I admit Operating system subject is quite tough because of an Indian lecturer lecturing the class. The truth now reveals. I have no idea what the hell is he talking about after two time of attending his semesters. I passed on his second. It was a hard time for me to split with my teammates and perhaps things might not be the same if I didn’t fail. I used to handle most of the design works in the college all the time and whenever I am inside a team, I am always in charge of that. Personal thought.... is this fair to me? Shouldn't someone takes turn to deal with this? Or I am not capable to deal with technicals? Or they perfer my design at all times? These situation often occurs and all could say was, I did not learned anything specifcally, neither technical nor practical.
But on the other hand, my failure of the subject had made me more independent and learned something I never leanred before, which was leadership itself. I managed to cooped with the rest of my own team and being a leader is quite challenging after all. In the meantime it was hard to looked at your ex-gangs moving forward to the end of semester while you are on your own. But I was glad to have a bunch of new gangs confronting me while I'm down, a bunch of four, michael, tzeming, bong, and jimmy. =D Thank you.
Again, I am in the wrong line for this IT course. I should have done arts instead of IT. Again, friend's influence after Form5... but at that time study art is really damn expensive and ir could possessed you a banglo house for a degree and diploma. >.>
One thing I did not mentioned, athough it's history. The name of Love. At that time, after I had lost interest on girls, I'm not really into this love matters. It really bothers me. My mom used to nagged at me not to court any girls while I am still focusing on my studies. But I am glad to make my lovely mom proud that I finaly managed to get a degree and with your best support. I tried to controlled these thing into my life but unfortunately I failed someone on that time which was really mean to her but I have to do so. Looking at couples are distracting my thoughts and mind blowing because life is never fair. The moment she ICQed me claming her feels on me, I was like shocked and turned to the other topic instead. It just like merry-go-round. I turned her words away and making fun of her statement instead because I know if I am into this love thingy, I really could not concentrate on my studies since I am so very weak on it. But I was amazed with ehr background and family as well as I never met such attempt in my life. Yeah, I never met family with humours on them and adapt on teenagers lifestyle. They ar funky and they rocks and of course, we're all under one Catholic family. I'd like to thank her for encouraging me that time on my repeat semester. She'd lecturered me and I still owes her family 1 meal ah? Just hoped on day I have this opportunity to treat them.
It's also a hard time to see her being court but I was so very childish to backstab her Boyfriend. It's a tiangle relationship but I managed to give up. Since it's a pair of love rabbits, why should I do something silly? But today, when I looked back on these situation. I laughed at myself for what I've been through. Colourful, depict and awful times, it's just ones' habitual contact to life itself. Nothing to be blammed with or to and not pointing on someones' right or wrong. It's natural and condensed.
Today, I am still single and happy with my life. it's time for money, fame and love. Building these three, I need my plans or layouts before constructing it. It might take months or years to have it coming but this is just the beginning of my life. The past is just a black dot on my face.
to be continued... (as at 17th July 2006)